Chadwick Rye

Vermilion the Red shifted uncomfortably on her mountain of gold, her massive scaled tail twitching with irritation as she dictated to her enchanted quill:

*Dear Adventurers’ Guild Newsletter,*

*You ask what bores me? Let me tell you about tedium, about the mind-numbing monotony that even a dragon of my distinguished status must endure.*

*First, there’s the endless parade of would-be heroes. Always with the same tired declarations: “Foul beast!” this and “Have at thee!” that. Do you know how many different ways I’ve heard “Your reign of terror ends today!” shouted at me? Seven hundred and forty-three, at last count. Would it kill them to workshop some original material?*

*Then there’s the bureaucracy. Did you know we dragons have to file quarterly reports on our hoards now? The Dragon Council insists on detailed inventories. As if I have time to count every single gold piece and catalogue every gem. “Please list all magical items in order of enchantment potency.” Ugh. I had to hire a kobold accountant.*

*And don’t get me started on the traditional challenger protocols. By ancient law, I must give each hero three chances to answer riddles before engaging in combat. But after a few centuries, you run out of good riddles. Last week, I actually caught myself asking “What’s black and white and red all over?” I was so embarrassed I just let the knight go home.*

*The treasure maintenance is mind-numbing. Do you have any idea how often gold needs polishing to maintain that proper lustrous gleam? Or how quickly dust accumulates on a jewel collection? Sometimes I think about switching to a property investment portfolio, but that’s considered “new money” in dragon circles.*

*But perhaps most boring of all is having to explain, repeatedly, that no, I cannot be your mount, your pet, or your “really cool flying house.” I am an ancient being of power and majesty, not a magical pony. The number of drunk wizards who’ve stumbled up my mountain with these proposals is staggering.*

*So there you have it. Even in a life filled with magic, treasure, and the occasional epic battle, there are moments of pure, unadulterated boredom. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s another hero approaching, and from the looks of their armor, they’re going to try the “noble speech of righteous valor” approach. Again.*

*Sincerely,*
*Vermilion the Red*
*Senior Dragon (Third Class)*
*Certified Hoard Manager*
*Member of the Ancient Order of Scaled Beings*
*P.S. – Please stop sending bards. We’re full up on epic ballads at the moment.*

If you enjoyed this little story please leave a comment and don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter. There are other stories on my site that you can read for free. Check out Forbidden Bond if you’d like to hear the story of a Human falling in love with a Half goblin. Or you can read Tales of the young Giantess, a prequel to Chronicles of the Giantess. It convers the life and adventures of Valorie, a half Giantess as she travels the land of Calladan.  Thank you for reading the story.